Further

I’ve had a bit of breakthrough just now. I’ve been stressing about every aspect of my life. All of life is a transitional phase but right now it’s especially true for me. I’m at the end of an undergrad (that I began at 25) and am looking for work and re-evaluating my goals and focus in life, thinking about what city to live in, what sorts of jobs to look for, if I should even bother looking for a partner anymore and trying to fix myself in that area anyway. The point of all this is that in my head, everything is up in the air and all I’ve got is doubt.

I’m scouring my life to try and decide which scraps to try to build a career upon. I feel like the clock is ticking (because it totally is), that I’ve squandered my twenties and there’s this pressing urgency to get busy at something and see it though. Talking to people about the sorts of creative work that are around keeps telling me to learn graphic design, to learn web design, to learn UI/UX and to network and build a portfolio.

But no. I draw comics. It’s thankless work that does not pay, but it’s what I love and it’s the skill that I’ve put the most thought and effort into, and it would be a crime to neglect it. Design and UI/UX are sciences unto themselves, and to learn them (even though I could do it well) would require enormous commitment and time that would be a gigantic detour from where I want to be and will only hinder my comics development. 

So I have to keep drawing, I have to keep writing. I have to keep my head in the clouds (or in orbit, as it were) and keep making as much time as I can to work on my projects, my art, my life. As I said, it’s thankless, it’s solitary, and (at least here in Kitchener-Waterloo) isolated from guidance and support. But it’s got to be done. 

It’s hardly encouraging to realize this. It’s sobering. This is choosing to make life difficult for myself. But it’s a bit of clarity of mind, and that’s something.